Where Did My Damn Keys Go, Who Took My Glasses, & What Happened to My Phone?

Along the themes of projection (externalization of aspects of oneself) comes the idea of personification or participation mystique. Quoting from Jung,

The personification of lifeless things is a remnant of primitive and archaic psychology. It is caused by unconscious identity, or what Levy-Bruhl called participation mystique. The unconscious identity, in turn, is caused by the projection of the unconscious contents into an object, so that these contents then become accessible to consciousness as qualities apparently belonging to the object. Any object that is at all interesting provokes a considerable number of projections. (Vol 13, 122).

A pretty good example of this is from the movie, Castaway, with Tom Hanks. This man was on a deserted island for years. His only companion was a volleyball that washed on shore with the rest of the debris from the plane crash. The imprint of a bloody hand on the volleyball formed the shape of a head, with the fingers forming the impression of hair standing up.

This man would talk constantly to the volleyball. Some scenes even depict him fighting and arguing with the volleyball. This is a great example of personification! However, more common place objects that we have become identified with may be less conspicuous. All the things that we buy and own, from clothing, to homes, to jewelry, are an extension of ourselves. People comment on our cars, our phones, purses, pens, and even our hats. All these things leave an impression about the persona (mask) that we present to the collective. I get a kick out of all the tattoos that people mark themselves with. It’s as if the tattoo has meaning in and of itself. To suggest that the tattoo might be a commentary on the person themselves can be almost offensive. I guess the tattoo is simply a picture of a gun, naked lady, rose, animal, ship, words, etc. and nothing else.

Jungians, believe (to a lesser or greater degree) that we sort of bring inanimate objects to life when we choose and identify with them. Our phones and computers are something that we depend on. Our cars, whether in dreams or in waking life, become an extension of ourselves. Many people think that when we dream of driving in our car, we are dreaming of our ego. However, our cars are also critical to our lives running the way we want. Mine was in the shop the other day, I waited for it to be repaired for hours. I was useless without it. Some people are a little more honest, and actually name their cars. Thank goodness, there are those that admit that they have an important relationship with their vehicle.

We put a part of ourselves into the object and bring it to life in a subjective way that may connect us to the collective. We understand that if we buy a sexy (and expensive) sports car, we are going to get attention. A few years ago I bought a beautiful, new wakeboard boat. As I drove it home I was confused about why people were staring at us. At first, I thought something must be wrong with the vehicle that I was driving. Then I realized, that I was receiving attention and validation from the collective.

People smile, and validate us with comments and praise on things like the kind of vehicle we drive or the clothing that we put on. This must reflect that we have good taste, are kind and generous, that we have a sense of civility, and that we are diligent and successful. This is it! That’s what a symbol is. A symbol comes to life when we can get the collective to attribute a theme of feelings and thoughts into an object or a dynamic.

We also use symbols in the media game all the time. This is how the game goes. A person doesn’t want a negative attribution to be connected with themselves so they attribute meaning to someone else’s behavior. If they can do it in just the right way by using the perfect slick statement or word, it sticks and the other person is constantly connected to that symbol. Oh sorry, this is a little abstract, maybe an example might help.

During the presidential campaign I watched some of the debates. There was a pretty well known debate against Sarah (sp?) Palin and Joe Biden. One of Palin’s comments was, “Say it isn’t so Joe”. Well that has a nice ring to it doesn’t it. Getting that symbol to stick might mean that Joe Biden had said and done things in the past that were regrettable. On the other hand, Palin also presented herself as a working mother, with lots of stress, and managing a pretty hectic life as a leader and as a mother. That symbol would have evoked sympathy and concern from the collective. However, Biden kind of beat her at her own game. Some tears were shed as he told his story of raising sons on his own after his wife died. He won the “capture the flag (symbol)” game that time.

These inanimate objects become symbols in that we enter into an unspoken agreement with the collective (everyone else), that by possessing this object, it has direct meaning about the kind of person we are. “Oooh, what a wonderful phone you have, can I see it? Who is your provider, what is the camera like, can you record with it, will it help me find where I want to go? Does it come in other colors, how durable is it? Wow, that’s really cool!” And you reply to yourself, “Yes, yes, I am cool. Isn’t this wonderful that I have something to talk about that evokes positive feelings from others”. This is a symbol that you have connected to yourself that has come to life. One of my personifications is books. “Hey everyone, welcome to my home, look at all the books I have. Can’t you tell that I’m pretty smart, yes, yes, because I have all these books , you guessed it, I am a genius”.

Whatever we choose to buy, pay attention and time to, and what we take care of in our lives becomes part of us. As I was trying to fix my computer the other day I wondered if it was serving me anymore or if it had become the assistant that I was now serving. Even things we need in life like food, become symbols when it is not about simply meeting a need anymore. We eat to connect with each other, find relaxation and enjoyment, as well as to present a side of ourselves that we desire.

I think of the movie Fantasia. In the scene “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice” Mickey brings the brooms to life in order that they will do the work for him. That’s fine until the brooms take over and Mickey is in it up to his neck (literally). Have you ever had a day when everything has been out to get you? You hit your knee on the table or the chair. You slip, you hit your head on the cupboard, or the things you need, to go to the next meeting, just can’t be found? Pretty soon the language animates, or brings to life, the objects as if they had a desire, will, motive, and mind of their own. “Where have those keys run off to now?” Or, “where is my wallet hiding?” As my son would say, “HILL AIRR II OUS!!

The point is that if symbols are meant to be a reflection of ourselves, then we give energy and bring to life the things that we choose and possess in our lives. Someone’s home, where they live, the pets they have, what they watch on TV and what they read all can be seen as a reflection of oneself.

At the beginning of this blog I discussed how the first step to using symbols was to work on understanding and having an awareness about one’s own personal myth; developing a sense of the person you are growing into in your life. Our preferences and what we “pay” attention to and “spend” our time doing are excellent indicators of what we care about and are “invested” in. Those are a lot of money words! But it just means that we use objects to present a side of ourselves to the collective. This is how we can come to know ourselves better. By finding the symbols that we attach ourselves to, and the symbols that we avoid. The symbols help us understand what part of ourselves we are trying to present to the world, as well as the part of ourselves that we reject or avoid.

Ok, enough said. I will try to get to the seven planets tomorrow. Until then, go spend some time with your laptop – it misses you.

Neuorsis, Neurosis, Who Has The Neurosis?

So, I want to talk a little bit about how the unconscious influences everything from our point of view, our motives, as well as our choices. What does this have to do with symbolism? Well, symbols are the language of the unconscious. If we understand our own unconscious (or our unawareness) then we get a better sense about where our motives and irrational (or crazy) behavior is coming from.

I assume that when people are acting according to their values, then they are being rationale human beings. But our crazy or irrational behavior is more connected to our unconscious. For any of those who want to be defensive and claim that you have never acted irrationally – bzzz, you’re out, thanks for playing. I think this is the epitome of a lack of self awareness. Whether, you have been angry, been in love, whether or not you have said exactly the wrong thing at the wrong moment, or been seduced into buying something that you don’t really need, this is all irrational. When my son was little he once asked me if I thought Einstein was a pretty smart guy. I responded that I thought he was and he replied, “Why did he smoke then?” Everyone has “blind spots”, weaknesses, or an Achilles heel.

As far as I can tell, a neurosis is when our sense of what we should or should not do is violated by our behavior. In those moments there seems as though there are two of us. Sometimes we ruminate and struggle with the internal conflict, sometimes it’s so fast and subtle that we don’t even notice it. Everything from our diet, our spending habits, drinking, sex, TV, to our driving and our work habits displays our personal neurosis. Moments when we have a sense about what we should or should not do, and it doesn’t matter. We do “what we want”. Who wants to? I thought we believed that buying things off the infomercials was beneath us. Who planted that tree to close to the property line? And why did we think it wasn’t important for our spouse to know about that?

When we become aware of a neurosis, we wonder who is “driving the train”? What exactly is going on, and what did get into us? I guess sometimes we just get carried away? So that’s it, having an awareness that even though I should help with the dinner dishes, or not get so possessive about my seat on the airplane, in that moment, my morals don’t matter, I’m just going to get what I want. This is the best sense that at times we are of two minds or have competing motives.

I don’t think symbols are just figures that are written on rocks, temple walls, or old parchments, they are also dynamics (interactions) in everyday life. For example, did you ever have the same argument over and over again with someone. You go around and around over the same issue. Sometimes for weeks, sometimes for months or even years. No resolution, no peace, it becomes so well known between you both that only a few words have to be spoken and the whole argument has taken place within just seconds. You know your position, the other person’s position, what you will say in response to them and what they will say in response to you.

It can be about money, the kids, where you live, why I don’t pick up after myself, how I deal with my department, on and on and on. The symbol for this might be the eternal circle. A circle that you and the other person are creating as you get so “wrapped up” (what exactly from the unconscious is wrapping you up?) in the conflict, that you really believe the other person is the problem, rather than a weakness within yourself.

You see the circle can be very protective. You might wonder what the circle of conflict with the other person is protecting you from? I think its protecting me from a side of myself that would be very threatening for me to see. I like the part in the bible that says,

“And why beholdest thou the mote that is in they brother’s eye, but considerst not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy borther’s eye.

I think that when anyone who has a sense of their own neurosis might not be so prone to be caught in the circle. The intimate connection, hate or love, provides a kind of container within which projection or sides of ourselves that we can’t stand can be seen in others. I imagine the connection like two people inside a bottle with a cork in it. The interaction continues to accumulate energy until something has to give. Getting out of the container takes a lot of effort and acceptance of the negative qualities about myself.

I will leave you with something to watch in yourself. Find moments or situations where you are crazy. For me, this often happens when I am driving or spending money. As you find moments when your behavior doesn’t line up with you beliefs or values, don’t be too quick to “forgive and forget”. Consider what it is about yourself that you are unaware of, that is compelling you and influencing you to do something crazy.

Tomorrow I will talk about the seven deadly sins, or the seven planets of Jupiter, Mars, Venus, The Moon, The Sun, Mercury, and Saturn.

Some Simple Symbolism or 4 of a Kind is a Pretty Safe Bet

Because I’m trying to find practical applications for symbolism I will be talking about numbers from time-to-time. Numbers are important because they are part of the fundamental make up of any dynamic. When the relationship dynamic consists of two people, then this is very different than four or five. So, let’s talk about numbers for a moment.

The alchemists believed that in any relationship where there were two, it was about the opposites struggling with each other in an intense connection. I think of this as the process of integration. Religiously, this would look like the body and the spirit. Psychologically, it might be the conscious and the unconscious. Whatever, both Jung and Freud believed that this was the fundamental human conflict. Some people know this as the Yin/Yang, Sun/Moon, Earth/Heaven, King/Queen, etc. But most importantly for our purposes, it might look like male/female, two business partners, or two family members. The alchemists believed that this was known as the Ouroborus or the two that are different but that are one. Anyone who has been married beyond the initial infatuation stage knows what I am talking about. Mates become aware of how different they are from each other, and if the difference can be contained, then they also realize that each brings different resources to the table. I think this is also true of any business partnership (as I have been in a few myself).

The other idea that is important to mention here is that Jung saw the dynamics of relationships almost as a metaphor for the relational dynamics within ourselves. Thus, the containing of the two opposites in working out an intimate relationship (i.e. love, hate, and everything in between), is also about how we develop the capacity to consider what we see (especially what we see and we don’t like) in others. This provides us with the openness to consider the qualities we see in others as really within ourselves. No where is this more explicit than in a intimate dynamic of two.

The other person’s pettiness and laziness, their social inappropriateness, their lack of consideration, and their rationalizations and justifications can really drive us crazy. However, these negative qualities can all be considered as having some connection with a part of myself that I can’t stand (don’t worry, I will get around to talking about projection). So, two people, when connected, struggle in the push/pull, give/take, selfishness/selflessness, indulgence/sacrifice, etc, etc, etc. This is the Ouroborus. The alchemists often pictured it as two of the same animal (fish, birds) or even the King and Queen being intimately connected. One pulling up and one pulling down, one pushing forward and one pulling back. One staying grounded, the other inspiring towards loftier visions. Without the other one is always a “stick in the mud” or negative, and the other is always a “pie in the sky” or “rose glasses” sort of person.

Thus, two bring a stability through struggle and different view points. Now three is a little different. Three often brings in a dynamic of sequence. A beginning, middle, and end. The stages of thesis, antithesis, and synthesis. Edinger discusses these three stages in any process of development. From my Christian background it would be known as pride, punishment, and humility. We begin with an inflation or infatuation. Thus, the child, seeing that he or she is part of his parents system, and seeing that their parents drive a car, believes that this would be simple enough for themself to drive the car as well. The newly married couple believe that they are soul mates. Their experience is that each person’s thoughts and desires are one. Then real life sets in and the stage of antithesis or dismemberment happens. This is filled with loneliness, feelings of disconnection, isolation, and tasks or skill building. Some might call it the, “Dark Night of The Soul”.

Finally the third stage is synthesis, or ego strength. The integration of the two into one occurs. Through experience one learns that they are not the same as the other, yet there is a one-ness and same-ness through all the experiences shared. This is not inflation. This is not the potential to be one, but the actual deep one-ness that comes after much labor, sacrifice, endurance, and just plain hard work. In relationship dynamics, three is pretty unstable, its usually looking for a forth. There is a lot of energy oriented outside of itself.

I like four because for me it is something completely different. Four is the stability of the dynamic. Jung thought that four was about three elements being similar and the fourth being different. Yet again, all four elements made up one element. When I was in my business partnership it was so interesting. Three of us had the same astrological sign, three of us were left handed, there were three males and one female. Three of us had exactly the same training and one had a little different training. Three had been born in America, one in Canada. Three of us founded the company and one came on shortly afterwards. Eventually, three of us were divorced and one of was not. I think this provided great stability in the partner’s dynamic.

So, whether in dreams, or in conscious waking life, if we can see the numbers in the relationship dynamics we are in, then we can get a better sense of what our role ought to be, or what we are getting pressured into. Four guys together, is not the same as two. You can observe this with your self or your own children or co-workers. Four people in a car, is not the same as two people in a car. And three people? Well, who wants to ride in the bitch seat in the back where you can’t hear or really be in the interaction at all?

This is interesting for me because I have two younger brothers that are identical twins. The relationship of three was always pretty unstable. It was usually two, and then one on the outside. Unexpectedly, I was not always the one on the outside. However, the dynamic of three was always seeking for a stability of a fourth. We found a neighbor friend that we are still close to. Importantly, some people do better in the dynamic of two, and others do better in a dynamic of a different number. One quick note is that as the numbers of people in the system increase, you get the same dynamics repeating themselves. I guess, after enough people are added, you just increase the energy of the collective conscious.

So what is the application? If you are struggling in a dynamic of two then don’t be surprised. The goal is to contain the struggle and to respect that both are different sides of the same coin. Hypothetically, that sounds great. It’s pretty hard to do if the other person is being stupid, unreasonable, and doing things that make it pretty miserable for you. The dynamic of three can be a sequence but its pretty volatile. This usually means that things wont stay the same. The dynamic of four is pretty powerful but takes quite a bit of management. Unlike two, its not quite as intimate, but if it is set up right, it will lead and keep control of whatever system you are in.

In dreams, you can also see these dynamics. There is no rulebook for dreams. Jung thought that in order to interpret dreams correctly, the analyst needed to be connected (and impacted?) by the client. Then from his or her experience of the client, and from what was known about their history, and from the dream content itself, the symbolism could be understood. However, if the unconscious is going to put its two cents worth about the day-to-day experience you are having, it may choose a specific number of characters in any scene as a means of communicating something in your waking life that you are not picking up on.

I have had dreams where the two main characters are involved with each other. I have also had two dreams in the same night that were connected. Often times, I wonder if they are two sides of the same coin. Most importantly, even if I am dreaming about real people in my life, the first position I take is what the dream means about me. It’s my dream, and in some ways it’s very honest. I think it might be less threatening but also less helpful if we only try to make meaning about someone else from our own dreams.

More Later

A Starting Point

September 13, 2009

This is the first blog that I have ever created. I don't believe that I am doing this for anyone else but myself.

Some background about me is that I have significant experience in therapeutic counseling and I resonate with the Jungian perspective. Most of my thoughts will not be unique to the collective (everyone) but they come from me and that meets one of the most basic instincts within all of us, the need to create. My personality type is introvert, with my strongest function being intuitive and my weakest function being sensation.

I am not a determinist, however, I would classify myself as a maturationist (Carl Rogers). The idea is that we really don't become something that we are not. We simply use our senses upon the external objects (Plato) to develop into that which we truly are. I probably fall somewhere in line with the Gnostics in that I believe that true divinity is within ourselves. As children of God, our SELF is the eternal and divine part within us that can give us direction and orchestrates our dreams (holy cow, more of that later). In terms of being a Christian and understanding as well as using A Savior or Christ in my life, I am working on that, and there is quite a bit of ambivalence for me in this area.

My goal in creating this blog is to present and discuss how symbolism, specifically, the symbolism of alchemy can be used to understand and give meaning to daily life problems, challenges, successes, and most important, relationships.

I will be using resources that are Jungian. Not strictly, but generally. My background is a doctorate in Marriage and Family Therapy. Although, for the last two years of my education I really took a hard left into the night, did independent study, and pursued Jung. My favorite authors are Jung and Freud (although I have not read as much Freud as I would like), Edinger, Harding, definitely Von Franz, as well as Robert Johnson, and a smattering of others. Obviously, there is plenty that I don't know.

If you are a behaviorist, or if you don't give credibility to the idea of meaning in all aspects of our lives, then this is probably not for you. If you think age old symbols and religion are simply the imaginations of people and that they really don't have any meaning in terms of why we are on this earth and what we should be doing with our lives - our own personal myth (Von Franz), then you might find this pretty annoying. While I will try to be open about all points of view, I think there has to be a starting place, and the integrity of the page will not make the assumption that you agree with Jung, but that you seek, find, and give value to making meaning about your life.

The beginning, which most of us never get through is always about one's own personal myth. This doesn't have to be volumes of written work, it is simply the poignant experiences from your own history, and your suspicions or your superstitions about you and the world you live in. Basically this is about where you are from (the context or situation), where you are at now, and where you project your life will be in the future.

Transference or Running Away From Home is Not An Option

We've all heard the saying that, "You take a piece of yourself with you wherever you go". The nurturing and loving relationships that we have with our parents, yes, even when they traumatized us and were horrible to us, imprint or form a basis (reference point?) for future intimate relationships in our lives. Many people interpret what they think Freud meant, so I will try not to do that. I don't have a clue what Freud meant in most of the things he said. Instead of colloquially stating that a person marries his mother or her father, I see it as people form intimate connections (not just romantic) with both genders using their previous and most fundamental relationships with their parents and siblings as a reference point. In other words we make judgments and decisions about the the kind of people we want to be with based on whether it feels comfortable (familiar?) to us. The familiarity is from our fundamental family relationships. This doesn't mean that we choose people that make us feel, think, and act in the same way as we did in our own families.

Think of it like a continuum. On one end there is the kind of connection that you had with your mother and on the other end there is a connection that is the exact opposite to any kind of interaction that resembles what you had with your mother. This is the reference point. The continuum defines any relationship that you will choose and not choose. So, while you may choose someone who is exactly like your mother, someone who is the opposite of your mother, or someone who is between those two end points of the continuum, the continuum serves as a reference point to select out a specific person from an infinite number of people we could be with.

Okay, that's a lot. But its a starting place. It means that to understand your own personal myth, you try to find out the kind of people you are connecting with and then trace it back to your family's interactions, beliefs, and the significant experiences that you had growing up.

One last thing, and then I will write about some of the symbols I associate with the beginning of this (Lapis) later. When I talk about the unconscious here I will be speaking about the personal unconscious unless I specifically state that I am discussing the collective unconscious. An assumption that I make is that our unconscious is a living breathing part of us that we probably get some of the best access to through dreams. The unconscious has a running experience of our day-to-day life just as the conscious (ego) does. However, the unconscious speaks to us in symbols. Ahh, hence the need for some framework that helps us understand symbolism.

Because our focus and concentration can only be on one or two particular things at a time, there is much in our day-to-day experience that escapes our awareness. Jung uses the metaphor of a spotlight (Man and His Symbols) to discuss our limitations. However, the unconscious is picking up on different aspects of our experience and then, at times, presenting it to us in our dreams. The metaphor would be like having the TV on. While we are watching one channel (maybe two or three of we have that screen-within-a-screen thing), we cannot dismiss that there are hundreds of other channels broadcasting. So tonight, when you go to sleep, think about the dreams you might have as the unconscious commenting on different (often times unacceptable) aspects of recent and poignant experiences that you have had.

More later.