Because I’m trying to find practical applications for symbolism I will be talking about numbers from time-to-time. Numbers are important because they are part of the fundamental make up of any dynamic. When the relationship dynamic consists of two people, then this is very different than four or five. So, let’s talk about numbers for a moment.
The alchemists believed that in any relationship where there were two, it was about the opposites struggling with each other in an intense connection. I think of this as the process of integration. Religiously, this would look like the body and the spirit. Psychologically, it might be the conscious and the unconscious. Whatever, both Jung and Freud believed that this was the fundamental human conflict. Some people know this as the Yin/Yang, Sun/Moon, Earth/Heaven, King/Queen, etc. But most importantly for our purposes, it might look like male/female, two business partners, or two family members. The alchemists believed that this was known as the Ouroborus or the two that are different but that are one. Anyone who has been married beyond the initial infatuation stage knows what I am talking about. Mates become aware of how different they are from each other, and if the difference can be contained, then they also realize that each brings different resources to the table. I think this is also true of any business partnership (as I have been in a few myself).
The other idea that is important to mention here is that Jung saw the dynamics of relationships almost as a metaphor for the relational dynamics within ourselves. Thus, the containing of the two opposites in working out an intimate relationship (i.e. love, hate, and everything in between), is also about how we develop the capacity to consider what we see (especially what we see and we don’t like) in others. This provides us with the openness to consider the qualities we see in others as really within ourselves. No where is this more explicit than in a intimate dynamic of two.
The other person’s pettiness and laziness, their social inappropriateness, their lack of consideration, and their rationalizations and justifications can really drive us crazy. However, these negative qualities can all be considered as having some connection with a part of myself that I can’t stand (don’t worry, I will get around to talking about projection). So, two people, when connected, struggle in the push/pull, give/take, selfishness/selflessness, indulgence/sacrifice, etc, etc, etc. This is the Ouroborus. The alchemists often pictured it as two of the same animal (fish, birds) or even the King and Queen being intimately connected. One pulling up and one pulling down, one pushing forward and one pulling back. One staying grounded, the other inspiring towards loftier visions. Without the other one is always a “stick in the mud” or negative, and the other is always a “pie in the sky” or “rose glasses” sort of person.
Thus, two bring a stability through struggle and different view points. Now three is a little different. Three often brings in a dynamic of sequence. A beginning, middle, and end. The stages of thesis, antithesis, and synthesis. Edinger discusses these three stages in any process of development. From my Christian background it would be known as pride, punishment, and humility. We begin with an inflation or infatuation. Thus, the child, seeing that he or she is part of his parents system, and seeing that their parents drive a car, believes that this would be simple enough for themself to drive the car as well. The newly married couple believe that they are soul mates. Their experience is that each person’s thoughts and desires are one. Then real life sets in and the stage of antithesis or dismemberment happens. This is filled with loneliness, feelings of disconnection, isolation, and tasks or skill building. Some might call it the, “Dark Night of The Soul”.
Finally the third stage is synthesis, or ego strength. The integration of the two into one occurs. Through experience one learns that they are not the same as the other, yet there is a one-ness and same-ness through all the experiences shared. This is not inflation. This is not the potential to be one, but the actual deep one-ness that comes after much labor, sacrifice, endurance, and just plain hard work. In relationship dynamics, three is pretty unstable, its usually looking for a forth. There is a lot of energy oriented outside of itself.
I like four because for me it is something completely different. Four is the stability of the dynamic. Jung thought that four was about three elements being similar and the fourth being different. Yet again, all four elements made up one element. When I was in my business partnership it was so interesting. Three of us had the same astrological sign, three of us were left handed, there were three males and one female. Three of us had exactly the same training and one had a little different training. Three had been born in America, one in Canada. Three of us founded the company and one came on shortly afterwards. Eventually, three of us were divorced and one of was not. I think this provided great stability in the partner’s dynamic.
So, whether in dreams, or in conscious waking life, if we can see the numbers in the relationship dynamics we are in, then we can get a better sense of what our role ought to be, or what we are getting pressured into. Four guys together, is not the same as two. You can observe this with your self or your own children or co-workers. Four people in a car, is not the same as two people in a car. And three people? Well, who wants to ride in the bitch seat in the back where you can’t hear or really be in the interaction at all?
This is interesting for me because I have two younger brothers that are identical twins. The relationship of three was always pretty unstable. It was usually two, and then one on the outside. Unexpectedly, I was not always the one on the outside. However, the dynamic of three was always seeking for a stability of a fourth. We found a neighbor friend that we are still close to. Importantly, some people do better in the dynamic of two, and others do better in a dynamic of a different number. One quick note is that as the numbers of people in the system increase, you get the same dynamics repeating themselves. I guess, after enough people are added, you just increase the energy of the collective conscious.
So what is the application? If you are struggling in a dynamic of two then don’t be surprised. The goal is to contain the struggle and to respect that both are different sides of the same coin. Hypothetically, that sounds great. It’s pretty hard to do if the other person is being stupid, unreasonable, and doing things that make it pretty miserable for you. The dynamic of three can be a sequence but its pretty volatile. This usually means that things wont stay the same. The dynamic of four is pretty powerful but takes quite a bit of management. Unlike two, its not quite as intimate, but if it is set up right, it will lead and keep control of whatever system you are in.
In dreams, you can also see these dynamics. There is no rulebook for dreams. Jung thought that in order to interpret dreams correctly, the analyst needed to be connected (and impacted?) by the client. Then from his or her experience of the client, and from what was known about their history, and from the dream content itself, the symbolism could be understood. However, if the unconscious is going to put its two cents worth about the day-to-day experience you are having, it may choose a specific number of characters in any scene as a means of communicating something in your waking life that you are not picking up on.
I have had dreams where the two main characters are involved with each other. I have also had two dreams in the same night that were connected. Often times, I wonder if they are two sides of the same coin. Most importantly, even if I am dreaming about real people in my life, the first position I take is what the dream means about me. It’s my dream, and in some ways it’s very honest. I think it might be less threatening but also less helpful if we only try to make meaning about someone else from our own dreams.
More Later
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